I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
