I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
