He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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