I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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