my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
