dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
