imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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