All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
