Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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