I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
