Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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