I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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