I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
