That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
