I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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