well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
