listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
