Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
