so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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