Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
