When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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