so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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