he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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