Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
