So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
