The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
