i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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