i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
