what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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