i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
