fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
