There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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