I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
