his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
