I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
