your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
