So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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