I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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