if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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