I wish my penis had an off switch
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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