Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
