moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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