this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Come share oat with me in your robe
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
