I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
