So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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