I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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