i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
