Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
