Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
