but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
