There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
