How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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