Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
